Find your flow

According to Hungarian psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihaly, “it is the full involvement of flow, rather than happiness, that makes for an excellent life.” Quite some statement to make, but as he’s renowned as the expert on the subject, it’s worth considering in more detail. For a start, what do we mean by ‘flow’? Flow is the experience of being completely and utterly absorbed in something, to the point that time flies, the outside world ceases to exist and our talents run freely. According to Wikipedia, it’s “a Zen-like state of total oneness with the activity and the situation.” In other words, it’s a highly productive state of concentration … and it can really bring out the best in us.

Flow is what you experience when you’re engrossed in solving a challenge, having a laugh with friends, playing a game of tennis, putting heart and soul into a salsa dance or having great sex. Flow moments are the ones that leave us feeling fully satisfied. Who wouldn’t want more of them?!

Being in flow means you’re really living in the moment. You’re so engrossed in what you’re doing that you’re not thinking about anything else. No worrying about the past or planning for the future, just a total appreciation of what’s happening right now. And that’s good for you! The more often we get ‘into flow’, the greater enjoyment we’re likely to get from life.

So can we create this state of ‘flow’ by choice and, if so, how do we do it? Here are our top ten tips …

1. Pay attention
2. Discover your signature strengths
3. Get into the right state of mind
4. Set short-term goals
5. Forget about time
6. Focus … and avoid distractions!
7. Forget yourself
8. Find the right level
9. Make it rewarding
10. Develop the habit

1. Pay attention

There was a reason why your teachers kept going on about it … the ability to pay attention is key to your experience of life. Why? Because how much you get out of any activity is directly related to how much attention you pay to it in the moment. For example, you can eat an amazing meal, but if you don’t notice the flavours and textures as you’re chewing, it will have gone before you remember to enjoy it! Similarly, if you only half-watch a movie, you’re likely to miss the themes, plot twists and character development that make it interesting. And so it is with anything in life - working, doing the washing up, playing with our children, you name it. Yet how often do we do things half-heartedly, on auto-pilot, our bodies in one place and our thoughts in another?! As my meditation teacher once said, “If life is just a series of moments from birth to death, what a shame not to turn up to half of them.”

You can train your brain to concentrate, even your pregnancy or post baby ‘mush’ brain! It may take a while and, like any kind of exercise, it’s better to do a little bit regularly than sporadic bursts. There are lots of different ways in which to build your powers of attention, from Sudoku puzzles to playing the piano. Meditation is one of the best. And it’s worth working at. Genius, of whatever description, will only come while you are fully engaged with what you’re doing.

2. Discover your signature strengths

One of the best ways to get more flow in your life, and to feel more happiness and fulfillment, is to use your signature strengths as much as possible. According to Martin Seligman, the founder of the positive psychology movement, your signature strengths are the things that you both enjoy doing and are good at doing. They are the skills and abilities that come naturally to you and that give you great satisfaction. Based on studies of people and cultures across the world, Seligman identified 24 universal character strengths such as, for example, curiosity, creativity, bravery, kindness and leadership. You can take the VIA Signature Strengths Survey online to discover what your signature strengths are - visit www.authentichappiness.com. Almost a million people have taken the test already. And if, when you see the results, it feels like the real you ... then it probably is!

Here is Seligman’s suggestion: “use your signature strengths every day in the main realms of your life to bring abundant gratification and authentic happiness”. So once you’ve got a clearer idea of what your signature strengths are, think about how much you use them in your day-to-day life. And think about how you feel when you do get a chance to use them. What can you do to use them more often? If possible, you want to put them at the heart of your life.

3. Get into the right state of mind

There’s no point even trying to get into flow when you’re tense and wound up! You need to get into the right state of mind first. Think of yourself as an athlete (now there’s a thought!) - you can’t go into your sports event too tense, or bored to tears. You have to psych yourself up. Walk around a bit to get your blood flowing, play some music if you like, and take some deep breaths to relax yourself. At first, this will feel forced, and that actually doesn’t help you get to flow. You can’t force it. But you will get better with practice, just as a professional athlete gets better at preparing for a competition.

4. Set short-term goals

You know how your brain always seems to kick into gear when you’re suddenly up against a deadline! You’ve got something to get done and you’ve only got a limited amount of time to do it. Well, the same thing goes for getting into flow. If you’ve got something specific to aim for, you’re more likely to concentrate. In contrast, if you don’t know what you want to achieve, you’ll be more inclined to dabble and get distracted. So it’s worth spending a few minutes before you start to decide exactly what your goal is. Visualise your desired outcome. Make sure it’s achievable within the timescales. By setting short-term goals, you help to focus your brain on what needs to get done and increase your chances of getting into flow.

5. Forget about time

You won’t get into flow if you’re constantly watching the clock. So the key is to identify blocks of time when, realistically, you should be able to concentrate on whatever it is you want to do. It’s estimated to take at least 15 uninterrupted minutes to enter a state of flow … which means there’s not much point in starting a painting, for example, ten minutes before you’ve got to go and collect the kids from school. That doesn’t mean to say that you can’t use the time profitably (perhaps to set out your paints and get all your equipment ready) but it’s not likely to be flow time.

In order to get into flow, you have to be able to lose awareness of time. So once you have an allocated block of time, block out all distractions and interruptions as much as possible (see tip 4). One tip is to apply yourself in 48 minute bursts, with 12 minute breaks in between. During the 48 minutes you immerse yourself fully in whatever you’re doing and, if you start to get bored, you can race against the clock. After that burst, you get up, walk around, make a cup of tea, check your email, do whatever you want or need to do. Then, after what may seem like a decadently long break, you can go back for Round 2 if you like! You’ll need a timer so that you don’t have to keep checking the clock.

One of the main benefits of flow is that you are more productive and get things done more quickly. You can achieve the same results (or better) in far less time … although you may find that you enjoy it so much you just do it more often!

6. Focus … and avoid distractions

You have to concentrate in order to get into flow … which means avoiding distractions as much as you possibly can. Easier said than done when you have small children or, in fact, any children! But, let’s face it, you’re unlikely to experience flow when you’re trying to bang together a presentation on your laptop at the kitchen table in the middle of breakfast! To get the best from yourself, get rid of as many distractions as possible. Remove everything unnecessary from your field of attention. Switch the television off. Clear the debris off the floor and move the ironing pile out of sight before you start. If you don’t, it’s going to niggle you and affect your concentration. Put your mobile phone onto silent and ban yourself from picking up email. It’s all too easy, as soon as the mind starts to wander or a problem seems too messy to deal with, to switch gears and distract yourself with irrelevant tasks. This is exactly the moment when you should remind yourself to engage fully with whatever you planned to do. Women are brilliant at multi-tasking, but sometimes it’s better to do just one thing at a time. You’ll do it more quickly and more effectively.

Back to tip 1 - the closer the attention you pay to your chosen task, the less energy you’ll need to spend to keep your mind from wandering!

7. Forget yourself

We often let self-consciousness get in the way of flow. For example, we won’t really let rip on the dance floor in case we make a fool of ourselves, or we won’t write a diary because we’re worried about our spelling! Self-consciousness can hold us back from engaging wholeheartedly in an activity and truly getting into flow. We can miss out on so much enjoyment just by worrying what we look like or what other people might think of us.

You have to learn to let yourself go and become fully absorbed. One way to leave your self-consciousness out of the equation is to convince yourself that no one will see the results anyway. A bit like dancing in your own living room at home, when no-one’s watching!

8. Find the right level

For flow, it’s really important to find the right level of activity. There’s nothing more disheartening than trying to do something that’s too difficult for you, and nothing more dull than doing something too easy. According to Csikszentmihaly, too high a challenge results in anxiety, whereas too low a challenge results in boredom. However, you can adjust the level of challenge within most tasks or activities. If something is too easy, find a way too make it more efficient, more elegant, more innovative, or more automated. If something is too hard, break it up into progressively smaller chunks until you find the right level of challenge.

9. Make it rewarding

Once you’ve worked out how to get into flow quickly and easily, you’ll probably find that just being in flow is enough of a reward in itself. However, there are always steps you can take to increase your enjoyment in whatever you’re doing. For example, develop and take pleasure in your own style. Appreciate your own craftsmanship. Pay attention to the detail - there may be a number of different ways to achieve the same end result, but some will be more elegant than others. That applies whether you’re painting the Sistine Chapel or doing the washing up! Whatever you’re doing, aim to do it beautifully.

10. Develop the habit

The more you practise getting into flow, the easier you’ll find it. But it does take practice! There are so many distractions in our everyday lives, especially as a mum, that it can be hard to switch off from them and immerse ourselves fully in one activity. The secret lies in tip 1 - really paying attention. It doesn’t matter what’s going on, by developing the habit of mindful awareness, we can learn to shut out all the other stuff and choose our focus. Believe it or not, it’s possible to get into flow doing something as mundane as scrubbing the kitchen floor, if we really concentrate on it. Given that life satisfaction occurs most often when people are engaged in absorbing activities that cause them to forget themselves, lose track of time and stop worrying, there’s a lot to be said for getting into flow. Keep practising until it becomes a habit.